


Hold up a finger of how long you think I hurt

by Whoops_sin



Category: Heatlia, anime - Fandom
Genre: Feli descripes abuse and slightly rape, Gay, I hope you read this, M/M, Some hurtful shit, its in 1st person, oh no, omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:38:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7718671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoops_sin/pseuds/Whoops_sin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You will never know how much you love someone until you realize you didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold up a finger of how long you think I hurt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ASabsStory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASabsStory/gifts).



> WARNINGS:
> 
> Slight abuse descriptions

Did he know what he was getting into when he stepped up to me like that? Did he understand that my body was fragile and I didn’t need another broken heart. Somehow it felt like he didn’t think of consequences. He used to tell me that I was safe from the ugly world, quoting famous books while I softly listened. I had always hated how I was afraid, yet when his hands ran along my sides and up to my shoulderblades, my hatred towards myself somehow disappeared, and I let myself become vulnerable. I should not have let him win me over with a gentle touch, especially since he left me for someone else. 

He never understood, a kiss lingers, he was my first kiss, I was afraid to let others touch me and love me in the ways he had did. He kissed me like I was a fragile person, and he hugged me close. Our kissed had become shorter, and after a while, they were no more. 

After a couple months I had realized, he was not in love with me, and I threw myself at a guy who just had thrown me away. The love seemed so real, and the hits he had touched me with had also seemed so fake. He apologized, telling me it would never happen again, and I just jumped up and kissed him again. I told him it was fine, that I was fine, that I was still madly in love with him, and how he treats me. I tell him about how I always wanted children and he just spits in my face and tell me I do not deserve his children or any children and that I would be a horrible father to a child. I slowly started to agree with him. I had allowed to hurt me in ways I probably not have let him. 

It is almost seven months since we saw each other and my body still misses when your hands touched me, rough or not. I had started to smoke and at this moment I am smoking another cigarette and he is probably all over some woman he had paid for love. 

He given me another heartbreak and I don't know how to respond to people telling me it would be okay. My own brother sometimes kisses my head, petting my hair down as I cried in his arms, he always told me I could find someone better than the German that had hurt me for years. 

Soon, my brother had forced me to go to an anonymous meeting for alcoholics and smokers. I noticed this man who was watching me, when he approached me, I smelt blood, and smoke. I just smiled and introduced myself, and I found my heart pounding. This man with the bright green eyes made me feel something, made me feel safe. Made me feel complete after months that I had not felt complete in. 

This green eyed stranger had asked me to go get coffee with him many times, and I agreed and went with him. Then one night we made love. It was not horrible, I was able to do what I wanted and I was able to cuddle afterwards. This green eyed stranger just had one flaw. 

He could not talk to me like I could him. He would talk to me with sign language. It was slightly different yet I learned for him. I learned small words in the beginning which made him have a smile everytime I said hi in the language he was most comfortable in. I had realized his name was Antonio, a male from spain who had left spain because of a lost lover he had met and left because he was not what they wanted anymore. He wanted to start a new life. 

I, out of everyone had understood him more than anyone else, we both had stopped with our problems and started to hang out more. 

He taught me that I was okay, that I was amazing and all I needed was to be calm and me and him could conquer the world and we would be together forever. 

It was the best feeling when Antonio had proposed to me. 

It was the best feeling when he had granted me with children and taught them sign language. 

It was the best feeling when this man rubbed my sides and kissed my shoulder, it was nice when he touched my stomach and asked if I ate that day. 

Without Antonio I do not believe I would even be here. 

I do not believe I would have stayed this long on this earth, knowing my life was already hell, but he made it a heaven.

He was the best person I had met.

Of today, I smile at him, signing for him so he knows ‘I, Feliciano, Love you’

**Author's Note:**

> This was horrible, I am sorry


End file.
